So I have been gone for a while. That's an understatement I suppose. I have wrote in the past about my depression and anxiety, but I guess today I just have the urge to be a bit more candid.
Depression sucks. And by sucks I mean in the sense of being horrible and literally. Depression sucks the life right out of you. It makes you not be the friend, loved one, and significant other you want to be. It sucks the meaning right out of your life.
I have always had a problem of letting depression suck who I am away from me, and it's not fun. I have found myself many times over the years watching from the background as depression sucked everything I loved from my life. Hobbies I once enjoyed, places I enjoyed visiting, and yes many many times people I truly loved just pulled away by my depression.
For those that have never dealt with mental illness I know it sounds a bit "crazy". Why not just take control of your life and get it together? Well I wish I could say it was that easy, but when you are there in the moment it feels like you are in a blackhole and all you can do to hold on is make it through the day. Then one day you wake up and realize a year has passed and you need to do something with your life.
The last couple of days have been like that. I woke up and realized I wasn't happy with where I was. I have an amazing boyfriend, a great job, but I still feel incomplete. I have let depression suck everything out of my life once again. I think it will always be a struggle, but I am taking steps to find happiness and fulfillment, not just taking up space.